A Cure for Snoring
Doris was feeling run down, so she visited her doctor to find a cure. During the consultation Doris explained that her husband Bert's snoring was the root of all her problems.
Snoring that loud, that on the odd occasion even the neighbours complained.
Much to her surprise, the doctor told Doris that the solution to all her woes was extremely simple. The next time Bert started snoring, Doris was to tie a piece of soft cloth firmly, but not to tightly around his scrotum, and this would stop his snoring.
Doris accepted the doctors advice graciously, but was very sceptical of it actually working.
Upon returning home Doris prepared the evening meal, and fed Winston the family bulldog. Bert rang to explain that he was going to the pub with the boys from work, so just pop dinner in the microwave and I'll have it when I get home.
Doris had settled down in the lounge room to watch her favourite show, when Winston fell asleep in front of the fire and started snoring. Remembering her doctors advice earlier in the day, Doris decided to try the remedy on Winston before putting Bert through the experience. Looking around for a soft cloth to do the job, Doris remembered some ribbons she had in her sewing box.
Removing a red ribon from her sewing box, Doris quietly approached Winston and gently but firmly tied the ribbon around his scrotum. Almost immediately, Winston ceased his snoring and settled into a peaceful sleep.
Doris was impressed with this development, and when Bert hadn't arrived home by her bedtime, she headed off for bed with her sewing box in tow.
Bert arrived home just after midnight, three sheets in the wind, stumbled through the house and made his way to the bedroom where he stripped off and collapsed into bed. No sooner had his head hit the pillow, than did his raucous snoring start up.
Woken by his noisy return to the marital bed, Doris was not prepared to spend the night suffering through Bert's snoring. Having witnessed the success with Winston earlier in the evening, Doris reached into her sewing basket and removed a ribbon.
Throwing back the covers, she proceeded to gently but firmly tie the ribbon around Bert's scrotum.
Within seconds, Bert's snoring had abated, and Doris settled down for a perfect nights sleep.
As is the way with a night on the grog, Bert found himself awake in the early dawn in need of emptying a bladder close to bursting. Off to the loo he trotted.
He turned on the toilet light, and upon reaching for his manhood, notices he has a big blue bow tied around his scrotum. Deciding that he didn't want to hurt himself by removing the bow in a drowsy state, he heads back to the bedroom.
On the way to the bedroom Winston came out of the lounge room to investigate the noise, and having satisfied himself that this was no intruder headed back into the lounge room.
At this point Bert noticed that Winston had a ribbon tied and his scrotum, and his curiousity piqued followed Winston to investigate further. His inspection showed that Winston a bow indentical to his own, only in red, tied around his scrotum.
Perplexed he sat down a tried to recollect the previous nights events.
Unfortunately the massive consumption of alcohol had destroyed to many brain cells.
Finally giving up in despair, he went over and gave a Winston a pat, and said "I don't know where you and I went last night, or what we did, but it must have been a top night because it looks as though we took out first and second prize".