Funnier if it wasn't so true...... - - Excellence in Motion
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 22nd, 2007, 5:02 pm Thread Starter
"Alpha Squirrel" and nutcracker.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: The " Jersey Shore" in the mountains of Toms River, New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,029
Funnier if it wasn't so true......

Unfortunately this is what it has come down to when trying to satisfy everyone. I'm for calling it Christmas because that's what it's all about.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!

We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free
to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,
no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make
a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There
will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to
handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now since the
Union officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believe $10.00 is a little cheap.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to
take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table closest
to the toilets; Gays are allowed to sit with each other; Lesbians do not
have to sit with gay men; each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

To: e!
Vegetarian pr**ks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when
you slice them.

I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday ! Drink, drive, and die!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full

Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory.....lasts forever. Shane Falco,"The Replacements" 00'
7.1 and done...06' K1200R-EZ Tuning Exhaust, EVO billet clutch slave, Evo dual race filter kit, Braking 'Wave' rotors and pads, Triton2 tail, Vario levers, Evo peg lowering kit, SW Motech crash bars, R&G sliders full set, Nippy Norman's rear fiberglass hugger, CRG bar end mirrors, ACS shield, RhinoMoto bar end sliders and CRG mounts, Evoluzione o2 modifier, Pazzo "shorty" levers, Cortech Sport Tail Bag and Saddlebags.....
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 23rd, 2007, 12:04 am
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 51
Re: Christmas Party..

How sad.. yet so true in our new "politically correct" state. What I would truly like to know is when did the constitution become obsolete? Did it happen when I was in Viet Nam? or did it happen when our soldiers were in Afghanistan? or did it happen when our soldiers were in Iraq? or did it happen because our F***ing politicians decided, without input from the populace, that it was in the countries "best interest"? What the he** happened to the necessity of foreign peoples coming to our land learning our language? learning our customs? learning that this is a great country due to the collective will of the people? instead of segregrating us because they are too weak to make the same demands of them as they did those who came before? Ellis Island served a purpose.. if you wanted to become an AMERICAN and live here then you had to learn our ways! We were not required to adopt your ways.. learn your language.. become more "politically correct" those things were required of you.. the people who wanted to live here for the freedoms.. not come here and attempt to turn OUR country into what you had just left. If you loved that way of life so da**ed much why did you leave your home country? I, like almost everyone else here, am a mutt.. my people were of a variety of different nationalities.. but you don't see me trying to make the rest of the people do, speak, dress, or any other thing, like them. Be American or go the hell home!! JMHO.. your opinion may differ.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 23rd, 2007, 11:06 pm
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Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
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This is why I like Putin. He takes a certain amount of crap. But not a heap.
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