A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Longreach farm and talks with an old farmer.
He tells the farmer, I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.The Water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'The old farmer nods politely and goes about his work.Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


'Your card! Show him Your card!


A Queensland jackeroo is overseeing his animals in remote territory when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban

sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,

'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,

will you give me a calf?'



The jackaroo looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at

his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers,

'Sure, why not?'



The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,

connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a

NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite

navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he

then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an

ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the

digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image

processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .



Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the

image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC

connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and,

after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out

a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP

LaserJet printer and finally turns to the Jackeroo and says,

'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'



'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of

my calves,' says the Jackeroo.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on

amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.



Then the Jackeroo says to the young man,

'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is,

will you give me back my calf?'



The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,

'Okay, why not?'



'You work for the Australian Government', says the Jackeroo.



'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'



'No guessing required.' answered the jackeroo.

'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you

want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question

I never asked. You used all kinds of expensive equipment that

clearly somebody else paid for, You tried to show me how

much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows ..

this is a flock of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

If the dog is barking at the back door and the wife is knocking at the front door, which one do you let in first. The dog, least it will shut up!

Another test. A dog is better than a wife. Lock either one in the boot for an hour. Which one is glad to see you when you unlock the boot.

Good Ones!