your horrorscope - K-Bikes.com - Excellence in Motion
 
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 6:06 pm Thread Starter
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your horrorscope

Aries
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically, you don't give a f$*k about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't give a toss. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.

Taurus
Warm and caring are you most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most poeple because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

Gemini
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real f**king weirdo, the type of person who'd kill himself to win a bet.

Cancer
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous brstard who would sell a relative's limb to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

Leo
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most leos are living on welfare.

Virgo
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them but you're prone to bullsh*tting and you're a cheap brstard. Virgo men are usually queer and the majority of virgo women are whores.

Libra
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an a**hole. For your entire life, people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral. Of course you will never know

Scorpio
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However, these are your only good traits. You end up puzzled as well to the extent that screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes

Sagittarius
You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.

Capricorn
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self centred c*** and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probebly an alter boy.

Aquarius
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

Pisces
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moooron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Jan 4th, 2006, 8:00 pm
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Location: Venice, CA, USA
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Talking

now if I could only figure out my rising sign....
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2006, 12:25 pm
 
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bahaha

I read my horoscope in the paper to match this one... complete opposite. I like this version better.

ONON-
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