July 1: Moved to Arizona! I can't imagine why anyone on their right mind would ever move to that God Forsaken State of Wisconsin.
July 2: Saw a wonderful sunset this evening. I now understand "Purple Mountains Majesty". Why do people live anywhere but here?
July 3: A lightning storm came last night. The sky was all lit. It was truly awesome! This morning the sky is "transparent". I can see into Mexico. Arizona is a phenomenal state!
July 4: Now this is a state that knows how to live. Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and desert blended together, what a place. Watched the fireworks at the park laying out on a blanket. It was glorious! I've finally found my home.
July 5: Really heating up, got to 100 today, not a problem, live in an air conditioned home and drive an air conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
July 7: Had the back yard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.
July 10: The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat. At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking a little longer than I expected.
July 15: Fell asleep at poolside, got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days work. What a dumb thing to do. I've learned my lesson! I really respect the old Sun in a climate like this.
July 20: I missed Tabby our cat sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded over $2000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and shit. No more pets in this heat.
July 25: Dry Fucking Heat my Ass. Hot is hot! I'd be cooler living in my oven. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.
July 30: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1100 fucking dollar house payment and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
August 4: 117 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and can only cool the house down to 90. Stupid ass Mexican repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this fucking state.
August 8: If another shithead cracks, "Hot enough for ya today", I'm going to tear his fucking throat out. Arizona is hot! By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are dripping wet with sweat and I smell like roasted fucking Garfield.
August 10: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to fuck for 2 stinking months. And the weatherman says it might really warm up this weekend. Doesn't it ever rain in the barren damn desert!
August 19: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 118 degrees today. Forgot to crack a window and blew the fucking windshield out of the Lincoln. The Mexican installer came to fix it, and said, "Hot enough for ya today ?" My wife had to spend the stinking $1100 house payment to bail me out of jail.
August 30: Hottest day of the God damn summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer so the $1700 worth of my "low maintenance" cactus in the yard just dried up and blew into the fucking pool Even a cactus can't live in this heat! I can't cool off in the pool now! The pool is full of fucking needles and every fucking time I fucking attempt to clean the fucking cactus needles out of the fucking pool filter I shred my fucking hands.God I hate this fucking state. Were moving back to Wisconsin...