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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old Sep 27th, 2006, 1:38 am Thread Starter
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Hollywood squares

If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will
bring tears to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous and clever,
not scripted and (often) dull as they are now. Peter Marshall Host.

Q: Do female frogs croak?

A: Paul Lynde - If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?

A: Charley Weaver - Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q: True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A: George Gobel - Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?

A: Don Knotts - That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that
he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A: Rose Marie - No, wait until morning.


Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A: Charley Weaver - My sense of decency.


Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?

A: Vincent Price - No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q: What are "Do It"; "I Can Help"; and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A: George Gobel - I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?

A: Rose Marie - You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A: Paul Lynde - Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?

A: Charley Weaver - Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A: Rose Marie - Ralph, the pin boy.


Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?

A: Paul Lynde - Tape measures.


Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A: Rose Marie - Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q: Can boys join the Campfire Girls?

A: Marty Allen - Only after lights out.


Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?

A: Paul Lynde - Make him bark?


Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A: Paul Lynde - Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?

A: Charley Weaver - It got me out of the army.


Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A: Paul Lynde - Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?

A: George Gobel - Get it in his mouth.


Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?

A: Paul Lynde - Who told you about my elephant?


Q: When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A: Charley Weaver - I'll lend him the car; the rest is up to him.


Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A: Charley Weaver - His feet.


Q: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A: Paul Lynde - Point and laugh.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old Sep 27th, 2006, 6:26 am
no power in the 'verse can stop me
 
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: n.e.ohia, , usa
Posts: 1,126
I still remember one question asked of Paul Lynde.

Q. Is coffee good for your sex life?

A. Well, it keeps me up at night.

tim-----still on the right side of the frostline

you can't stop the signal
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old Oct 4th, 2006, 7:34 am
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 128
Man, I just split my sides... my collegues now think I'm nuts
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old Oct 4th, 2006, 6:57 pm
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Humor at it's best ! Their off-the-cuff answers were the mark of true comedians IMHO. I'd have a hard time thinking of anyone today even in the same league, especially if was someone the kids could watch.
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