A Westerner moves East (Language Warning)
Here's an old story written pre-computer around the 60's
A Westerner Moves East
January 10.....5:00 pm- Itís starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one weíve seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture windows, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.
January 11.....We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic site. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later the city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.
January 12.....It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dipped to about 12 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish and gray.
January 13.....Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.
January 14.....Tried getting to the store today. Car started sliding and I tried to stop and slammed into guard-rail anyway and did considerable amount of damage to the right quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That god damn snowplow came by twice today.
January 15.....2 degrees outside. More fuckiní snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasnít been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eye lashes and eyebrows. Car slid on the ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.
January 16.....God damn mother fuckiní white shit keeps coming down. Have put all the clothes on we own just to get to the fuckiní mailbox. If I ever catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, Iíll chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits to plow shut our driveway again.
January 17.....And god damn more fuckiní inches of fuckiní snow and fuckiní sleet and fuckiní ice and god knows what other kind of white fuckiní shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckiní snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car wonít start. I think Iím snow-blind. I canít move my toes. Havenít seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind-chill Ė 12 fuckiní degrees below zero. Iím moving back to California.