Legitimate Excuse to miss work. - K-Bikes.com - Excellence in Motion
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old Dec 15th, 2006, 9:02 am Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 826
Legitimate Excuse to miss work.

> We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top

> this one:


> Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate

> my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.


> On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
> truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had

> sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
> day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
> on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given
> to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

> Initially, the new acquisition was no problem

> Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my

> wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.


> "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."


> "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower

> pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"


> "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me

> in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you
> second."


> So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
> nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as

> extremely cowardly.


> Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find

> the button. It is the last action I remember performing.


> It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

> No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal

> teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling

> objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around
> corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise

> moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly

> offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational

> thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent

> rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
> region.


> Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,

> in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from

> experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and

> cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.


> The impact knocked me out cold.


> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are

> not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the

> kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"

> paramedics.

> Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
> snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
> to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.


> Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
> to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me

> about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk

> about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your

> tongue?"

> If they only knew!


> Why is it that only the women laugh at this?


> Hope your week is better than his!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old Dec 15th, 2006, 10:12 am
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: los angeles (westchester lax), CA, usa
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only in so cal

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old Dec 18th, 2006, 12:55 pm
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Location: Santa Clarita, CA, USA
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That is the reason for cat gut strings!!!!!!!!!!


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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old Dec 20th, 2006, 7:11 pm
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Location: Springfield, Oregon (duh), USA
Posts: 231
Remove all the angle brackets from e-mail messages that you forward...

Do you forward your favorite e-mail jokes to all your friends? Your wit will be better appreciated if it doesn't arrive with ">>>>>" at the beginning of every line. This nifty little program removes them from e-mail messages, making them look cleaner and preventing choppy word wraps. Now if only it made all the jokes funny.

Click me
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