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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Jan 16th, 2007, 11:41 pm Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 56
Talking Puns

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in
love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the
reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and
one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab
of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The
Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is
it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each
other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no
bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an
invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've
heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage
trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after
a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my
legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last
week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no
eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete
wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts
checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse.
"But why,"
they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them
up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years
later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know,
walked barefoot most of the time,
which
produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him. (Oh,
man, this is so bad, it's good. . )
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed
by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person
who sent twenty different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at
least ten of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Jan 18th, 2007, 10:32 am
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 180
In the same vein as #5

A man walks into a bar.

He's expected to make a full recovery in hospital.
BMKrider is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Jan 18th, 2007, 7:02 pm Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 56
Dyslexic Agnostic sits around all day wondering if there really is a dog
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