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Statmaster
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Discussion Starter #1
This was posted on another site. Laughed my ass off...

As I pull into the gas station on my black and orange Sportster, I am
already on the lookout.

On Pump 1 I've got a middle-aged man driving a Valiant with an OCC
sticker in the back window. Definite offender, better keep my distance.

Pump 3, a younger guy with a 4x4 Toyata truck. A safer bet than Pump 1,
but the retiree filling his Coupe DeVille at Pump 9 looks like my best
option.

I kill the motor and roll in to 8 as quiet as I can. Without getting off
my bike or removing my helmet, I pull out my wallet, shove my card into
the machine, pop the gas cap and grab the high octane nozzle.

If my tank was bigger than a canteen, I wouldn't have to do this so
often. But the man in the Cadillac is ignoring me, so it might turn out OK.

BEEP BEEP, "Error. See Cashier". Dammit.

I drop the kickstand, take off my helmet and glasses and get in line
behind Cadillac Man. He pays for his gas and buys a banana.

Who buys fruit at a gas station?

By the time the cashier straightens me out, the Caddy next to my bike is
replaced with an Expedition sporting a big giant HARLEY-DAVIDSON sticker
on the back. Shit.

I hoped this year would be different. I thought the hype was over. I
prayed that I could go this entire year without having to discuss Jesse
fucking James with some jackass American Chopper fanboy driving a rig
with a bike sticker on it.

He steps out of the vehicle and looks over at my bike, and I know all my
hopes and dreams for the 2005 riding season are fucked. He walks up to
me like I'm a hot peice of ass drinking a Manhattan alone at the bar.

"Hey man, nice bike."

That's usually how they start out.

"Thanks" I say, trying to sound polite and rude at the same time.

Obviously needing more from this conversation, he opts for the
"establish the bad guy" approach. "I almost bought one of these last
year but my wife wanted a new roof."

Sometimes it's better to say nothing. It makes people uncomfortable and
they leave. But every now and then, keeping quiet makes them start
looking over the bike and asking more annoying questions.

"That a custom exhaust?"

Well, fuck. The word "custom" has been used. I panic but can only mutter
out a "yep" before he launches into the inevitable banter that I was
trying so hard to avoid. Once they say "custom", it's basically over.

"Yeah man I was watching Orange County choppers the other day man did
you see that spider web bike man that this was sweet they like
fabricated all the parts for and stuff and you love choppers don't you
because I think they're sweet and on American Chopper they made a trike
out of a volkswagon and did all sorts of radical stuff and it was so
awesome and I want to have Jesse Jame's man babies Chopper CHOPPer rake
bike stretch custom chrome and the was a bike build-off on the discovery
channel did you see it and the old guy was all pissed off at the young
guys and they just argued the whole time but somehow they managed to
make an awesome bike I bet you saw it yeah you love them too right they
made it for Shaq for like $85,000 Chopper chopper chopper choppers
chopper orange county american steel chopper bike chopper frame rake ape
hangers custom custom custom custom custom I love the discovery channel
so much OCC WCC BAD DOG CHOPPERS CHOPPERS INC OMG I want to put beach
bars on my refrigerator and like put a lowering kit on it but you know
the wife making me buy a car and a house instead man but if it was up to
me I'd be living free and riding free on the open road just like Peter
Fonda and Jack Nicolaus but I wouldn't get killed with a shotgun you
know what I mean har har cause that would suck and I saw this
documentary on Sturgis and all these people were there riding free and
checking out the black hills rally rally bike bike custom chopper
chopper fabricate chrome chrome chrome sturgis I was gonna ride to
sturgis this year but I didn't have a bike and I had a trailer to bring
it but the wife made me sell the trailer hitch so she could buy a new
eddie bauer stroller for our baby and some cleets for my kids man I know
my kids will grow up to be bikers but right now I'm doing the parenting
thing and stuff I may look soft but I'm deep down a real hardcore free
riding open road biker man just like you trust me if I had the dough I'd
be cruisin with you just like Orange County Choppers check out this
tattoo I got it's a maltese cross I don't know what that means but its
all over every chopper thing because I love choppers you love choppers
we all love choppers choppers choppserchopperschopperchopperchopper
CHOPPERCHOPPERPEOHRHCHEOCPEPOCHEOR OMG OMG OMG CAN I HAVE SEX WITH YOUR
BIKE AND SEND PICTURES TO JESSE JAMES I LOVE BIKES MAN BIKES BIKES BIKES
CAUSE LIKE THE OTHER DAY I WAS BUYING SOME BEAN DIP FOR THE LITTLE
LEAGUE PARENTS MEETING AND I WAS TALKING TO THIS OTHER GUY WHO REFS THE
TIGERS AND HE WAS LIKE MAN ID TRADE IT ALL FOR A RIDE ON A CHOPPER
BECAUSE I WATCH THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL 24 HOURS PER DAY BECAUSE ALL THEY
EVER SHOW IS CHOPPER GARAGE SHOWS AND THOSE MEN ARE ROUGH AND TOUGH AND
THEY WILL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN JUST LIKE THE WOLF IN THE THREE LITTLE
PIGS EXCEPT NOT A WOLF BUT LIKE A V-TWIN WITH A BIG WIDE OPEN EXHAUST
WITH NO MUFFLER BECAUSE NOISE IS GOOD AND BIKES ARE GOOD AND I LOVE
CHOPPERS CHOPPPERS BEACH BARS CHROME CHOPPER RAKE MAN, I'M GONNA MAKE ME
A BIKE WITH LIKE SO MUCH RAKE THAT MY BARS JUST GO STRAIGHT OUT ALL THE
WAY TO STURGIS AND CHOPPERS ARE COOL BECAUSE THEY CAN'T TURN UNLESS YOU
HAVE A FOOTBALL FEILD BUT THATS OK BECAUSE I'M LIVING HARD AND RIDING
FREE AND I WEAR CHAPS WHEN I GO TO SLEEP BECAUSE THATS HOW HARD CORE OF
A BIKER I AM JUST LIKE JESSE JAMES AND JACK NICKALOOS EXCEPT I HAVE
DON'T HAVE A FOOTBALL HELMET PAINTED GOLD BUT WOULDN'T THAT BE AWESOME
JUST LIKE IN EASY RIDER MAN HEY WANT TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE THE WIFE
IS WATCHING THE BACHELOR II I HOPE SARAH WINS BUT ANYWAY I TAPED
AMERICAN MONSTER CHOPPER GARAGE JAMES JAMES JESSE JAMES CO INC INC AND
WE CAN WATCH IT IN THE KIDS ROOM BECAUSE THEY'RE AT PIANO LESSONS TILL 9
ohhh man ohhhh man I loves me some bikes fuck it man lets just go to the
bar right now and sell this truck right now that's how hardcore I am I
mea YOU KNOW ME MAN I DON'T EVEN GET BEHIND THE WHEEL TILL I'VE HAD A
SIXER MAN I DRIVE BETTER WHEN IM DRUNK JUST LIKE JESSE JAMES YOU LIKE
GRASS MAN IVE GOT GRASS WE CAN GO SMOKE SOME GRASS IN MY GARAGE JUST
LIKE ON EASY RIDER BUT WILL HAVE TO MOVE THE KIDS BICYCLES OUT OF THE
WAY BUT THATS OK BECAUSE WE'RE HARDCORE AND WE DONT GIVE A FUCK CHOPPER
CHOPPER APE HANGER FOOTPEG BEACH BAR EASY RIDER CHOPPER CHOPPER CHROME
CUSTOM FABRICATION PAINT 17 LAYER PAINT JOB BUT THE SEAT MAKES MY ASS
SORE SO NORMALLY I LIKE TO GET A GOOD SIZED PILLOW AND PUT IT DOWN THERE
FOR COMFORT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS AFTER RIDING FREE FOR SO LONG YOUR ASS
GETS A LITTLE SORE BUT YOU GET USED TO IT AND YOU LEARN TO LOVE IT RIGHT
MAN AM I RITE? blah blah blah"

By now I'm about 6 miles away wishing Sportsters had bigger gas tanks
and planning new strategies to avoid repetition # 193 of this pointless
conversation.

Pointless, just like a chopper. Especially the over-the-top ones on the
Discovery Channel. They are cartoon bikes. Choppers are the Desert Eagle
.50 of motorcycles. Big and badass and striking and different but for
all logistical and practical and resonable purposes, completely fucking
useless.
Reminds me of that T-Mobile commercial with the caffinated cheerleader.
 

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BEEP BEEP, "Error. See Cashier". Dammit.
For me, that would've been the cue to go to another pump immediately or patronize another station altogether. I won't go to the attendant's counter unless I have no other choice; as I see it, the whole idea of using the card at the pump is to avoid the line that may be inside. :)
 

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Statmaster
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Discussion Starter #3
carnadero said:
For me, that would've been the cue to go to another pump immediately or patronize another station altogether. I won't go to the attendant's counter unless I have no other choice; as I see it, the whole idea of using the card at the pump is to avoid the line that may be inside. :)
Yeah, but when your CC company puts a "cashier verify" tag on you because you've been charging gas every 250 miles through the last 6 states, you sorta don't have any choice -- well, except to use the other cards in your wallet.

All these anti-fraud measures that the CC companies are using sometimes throw a monkey wrench into travelling on a motorcycle (i.e., lots of little charges every 3-4 hours seem to trigger some sort of flag).
 

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Jeeze sounds familiar. But in Australia ,it is usualy a 50-70 year old telling you all about the Kwaka 550, Yammy 350, AG250 he owned in 1967 and how it was faster than anything out there today ,but of course he had to lay it down when a car pulled out in front of him. Do I wanna see his scar? Why is it that when they see some one on a new sports or touring bike ,that we are automaticaly going to be enthalled by stories of his old postie bike? Thank god that when I pull up in a BMW car I dont always have someone come up and tell me all about his Datsun 120Y or Morris Major he had as a young fella.
 

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Will ride for picts
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Great story!

I only seem to run into this problem if I use the same gas company on a trip. I'll try to stick with one brand, say Chevron. On the third or fourth tank, I'll get the "see cashier" which is my cue to switch to Conoco. That'll work for another 3 or 4 tanks, then I'll get the "see cashier" which means I switch to Shell... and so on.

BTW, Chevron and Conoco are definitely offenders in this regard. It's not the Credit Card companies, (at least in my case) but the gas companies that put the flag up. This has happened to me on the last two big trips (Red River and Paonia).
 

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I always get the dead friend/dead relative who died-on-a-bike stories. Or, when my daughter and I were coming home from STL, stopped for dinner, we're both wearing ballcaps because of helmet hair, and I get asked, "So, you must be the man eh?". OH, yeah, you betcha.
 

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Statmaster
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Discussion Starter #8
DebS said:
"So, you must be the man eh?". OH, yeah, you betcha.
So, how many weeks did it take for the dumbass to come out of his coma? :D
 

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Seriously, I call my gas card and CC company anytime I travel alone or with the family. We let them know we will be out of state and the charges will be heavy for a few weeks. We never get the "see cashier" anymore. Try it.
 

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Blkvelvt said:
Seriously, I call my gas card and CC company anytime I travel alone or with the family. We let them know we will be out of state and the charges will be heavy for a few weeks.
That's what I've done. Never for a bike trip tho, cos I've never done a long distance ride on two wheels........yet. :)
 

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That's funny. I have had some very interesting conversations at gas stops however. Three years ago on a cross-country trip, I stopped at a station in one of those big western states and there was a row of about 12 new Harley's lined up. Turns out is was a group of off shore oil rig workers from Norway who had flown into LA and rented the bikes to do the old Rt. 66 to Chicago. The interesting things was that 12 more workers were flying into Chicago to meet them and were going to ride the bikes back to LA and the first team were going to fly back to Norway from Chicago. Great conversation, and we were able to share stories as I had been in Norway in the summer of 01.

Last year I called my CC company also and had no problems with the card. The company wanted to know which states I was likely to be in.
 

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Outstanding gas station story!

I had an orange '76 R90S (beautiful) about 7 years ago when I lived in the bay area. I wouldn't worry about it so much at the gas stations, but at the biker congregation points. Alice's up on Skyline would amass hundreds of bikes on the weekends, and when I'd pull in there for a break, I'd have to avoid the middle-to-late-middle aged BMW riders. I'd try to park next to the Harleys or racebikes (and NEVER next to the mid-80s brown RT with all the badges), but inevitably, he would come over.

You know the guy: 50, beard, aged DriRider hanging open to reveal his office worker-cubicle physique, opens his flip-front helmet (without taking it off, ever), reaches into his top pocket to grab the pipe, and taps it out on the Krausers. Packs it with something that smells like my grandfather, light press of the thumb, zippo, flick, poik-poik-poik to get 'er glowing, and have a look around. I think those flip-up helmets are like little radar dishes. Dammit! He sees me. March-march-march across the lot.

"You, know, poik-poik-poik, When these came out, they were the most expensive sporting... In 1976 Reg Pridmore won the first Daytona... Didja know that in 1976, they drilled the discs and increased the size of the starter... That pinstriping was actually painted by HAND (pointing with the mouthpiece of the pipe) at the factory by WOMEN... That's my mocha RT over there... 6000 miles on the Broken Back Rally in 1998... I find the Dunlops aren't really as good as Metzelers for... Do you keep a tire repair kit... Yep, it was the first bike with a clock... The Jap bikes just couldn't... "

Me being me, I indulge them. I can't force myself to be rude and blow them off. I realized it was a rare and beautiful bike, but MAN, TAKE YOUR HELMET OFF!!

Good memories
 

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DaveNZ said:
Outstanding gas station story!

I had an orange '76 R90S (beautiful) about 7 years ago when I lived in the bay area. I wouldn't worry about it so much at the gas stations, but at the biker congregation points. Alice's up on Skyline would amass hundreds of bikes on the weekends, and when I'd pull in there for a break, I'd have to avoid the middle-to-late-middle aged BMW riders. I'd try to park next to the Harleys or racebikes (and NEVER next to the mid-80s brown RT with all the badges), but inevitably, he would come over.

You know the guy: 50, beard, aged DriRider hanging open to reveal his office worker-cubicle physique, opens his flip-front helmet (without taking it off, ever), reaches into his top pocket to grab the pipe, and taps it out on the Krausers. Packs it with something that smells like my grandfather, light press of the thumb, zippo, flick, poik-poik-poik to get 'er glowing, and have a look around. I think those flip-up helmets are like little radar dishes. Dammit! He sees me. March-march-march across the lot.

"You, know, poik-poik-poik, When these came out, they were the most expensive sporting... In 1976 Reg Pridmore won the first Daytona... Didja know that in 1976, they drilled the discs and increased the size of the starter... That pinstriping was actually painted by HAND (pointing with the mouthpiece of the pipe) at the factory by WOMEN... That's my mocha RT over there... 6000 miles on the Broken Back Rally in 1998... I find the Dunlops aren't really as good as Metzelers for... Do you keep a tire repair kit... Yep, it was the first bike with a clock... The Jap bikes just couldn't... "

Me being me, I indulge them. I can't force myself to be rude and blow them off. I realized it was a rare and beautiful bike, but MAN, TAKE YOUR HELMET OFF!!

Good memories
He sounds kind of charming in a way. Sounds, in fact, like alot of people posting here.
 

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the one i dread is the "soOOoO what kinda bike do u have".

seems like everytime im alone on the bike and i go into the store to get a gatorade or something. icant just go in get my drink and leave without someone asking "soooo what kinda bike do u have?"..mind you i have a BMW club jacket, that comes with about a thousand BMW logos and writing on it. why dont they ask what kind of BMW i have?

when i tell them its a bmw k1200r...NO ONE knows what it is..and ive never run into anyone who has , so i have to explain for no reason because they still dont know what it is nor do they care they just want to talk for some reason. by this time ive already spent WAY longer than i wanted in some store hehe.
the usual response, after i tell them what i have? its usualy a "yah i gotta hayabusa", or a harley. big shocker there...they only ask you because they want to tell you what THEY have! and thats what i cant stand.
 

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Awww Shucks folks...they just wish they were 'Then Came Bronson' (and so do I). I am happy to indulge the wistful wishers, we all got our 'bug' for this sport by testing the waters somehow, just get a little impatient with the DOA-do-gooders. Love the stories. Makes me smile. :)
 

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Guys. Please.

You. Have. No. Idea.

Try being a woman alone at a gas station on a bike. If I could do what I need to do with my gloves on I would probably never hear the following.

"Are you ok? Everything all right? Do you need any help? That's a really big bike."

Yeah, I'm ok. I'm not in a bloody heap on the ground am I? Yeah, everything is all right, I've figured out how to work a gas pump by now. No, I think I can manage putting gasoline into this little hole on the top of my bike by myself...good thing I've got my degree in quantum physics to help me out. I love that last one about the massive scale of my bike. Well I'm not going to LIFT IT OVER MY HEAD!!

The next patronizing putz that says this shit to me is going to get a punch in the gut.

You know that old saying that the only people who get asked why they do what they do are cops and priests? Well add female motorcyclists to that list. I bet you guys hardly ever get asked why you ride. I get it all the time. Why do people care? I just do. I like it. I always have. I HATE being on the back. It's boring.

So guys, the next time some fellow biker or wannabe biker starts up a conversation with you, even one you dread, just be thankful that he's not treating you like a backward child that might need his manly assistance to handle the basics of your transportation.
 

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Statmaster
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Discussion Starter #17
Impulse_Buyer said:
Guys. Please.

You. Have. No. Idea.

Try being a woman alone at a gas station on a bike.

I showed this thread to my wife, and she agrees with you. She hates stopping for gas, because there's always some numbnut who comes up to you and starts talking to you. She says that's why she never takes her helmet off when gassing up. But it really sucks when she ends up having to go in to get water, a snack, or use the restroom.
 

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What gets to me is the guy who sees your bike and then launches into the story of his bike, which after about 30 seconds you realize is compleat and utter BS.

My favorite was the the guy saw me on my old Goose and proceeds to tell me about his old Motor Guzzi, the 750cc single that he rode back and forth to Fairbanks until he had to lay it down at 120 mph and decided that bikes were dangerous......so I asked him what model of Guzzi had the 750cc single, my memory was a bit fuzzy. He didn't even blink, told me it was a Comando. So if you see a Moto Guzzi 750cc Comando single out there with some road rash, there's a used car salesman who might to see it again, for old times sake.
 

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I seem to get "How fast have you gone on it?" Not an odd question, except that the three people who've asked me this in the past 6 months have all been the scroungiest homeless meth addicts staggering about the street looking for spare change.

Maybe there's a market there that the sportbike industry hasn't tapped yet.
 

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Let's Ride
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Omg

these douchebags are everywhere......
 
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